The Nightly Poop

950 AD Europe Descends Into “Dark Ages,” Soccer Invented

FYT — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:40:01 +0000

The Horror...The Boredom

950 AD – Europe enters the “Dark Age” period of ignorance. Meaningless, prolonged, boring, local battles with no clear winner abound. Soccer is born.

557 AD Huns Repulsed by Belisarius

FYT — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:03:39 +0000

Dude, that's just gross!

557 AD – The Huns were repulsed by Belisarius after he shot milk from his nose, released a wicked fart, and burped some obscure alphabet.

552 AD Byzantine Eunuch Teaches Rome a Lesson

FYT — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 22:49:02 +0000

Not Actually Required to Defeat Rome

555 AD – Byzantine eunuch general Narses annexes Rome and Naples. Upon learning of his victory, he proudly gloats, “Who’s Got the Balls Now!”

435 AD Romans Finally Leave Britian

FYT — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:45:13 +0000

435 AD – The Romans finally decide to leave Britian, citing poor dental health as the last straw.

418 AD Vandals Trash Visigoths

FYT — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 03:31:50 +0000

Damn Vandals!

418 AD – The Visigoths defeat the Vandals in Spain. The next morning they woke-up to find their chariots had been egged and someone had driven through their new front yard.

TNP Editor Returns – Bank Photo a Hoax

FYT — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:47:05 +0000

Editor Milli Returns

OP ED (Milli – Editor) – I am back after recovering from human reproductive experimentation/population control (hysterectomy). The bank robbery photo was a fake submitted allegedly by Charlie Sheen. I have been cleared of all wrong-doing. Thanks to Beast for covering in my absence and providing Poopy History. Please visit our new “Poopy Map” page. It is an interactive map of the history posts, and basically a way to kill time while watching football on Saturday.

On a serious note, the hidden-camera videos, leading to the recent ACORN meltdown, were the brainchild of my human’s niece, Hannah Giles. She and Jeff O’Keefe are two brave young journalists with a lot of guts. We here at TNP are very proud of them. You can follow their journey via Big Government.com.

258 AD Goths Take Over Europe

FYT — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:55:05 +0000

Puncturing Europeans Since 258 AD

258 AD Wearinng trench coats and being fed-up with high school jocks, the Goths take over most of Europe.

58 AD Ming-Ti Establishes Buddhism

FYT — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:33:19 +0000

Not Part of Executions

58 AD – Ming-Ti establishes the peaceful religion of Buddhism in China. Unfortunatley, he had to execute over 10,000 fellow-countrymen first.

52 AD Roman Legions Made to Use Soap

FYT — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:46:23 +0000

Unknown to Modern French

52 AD – Roman Legion leaders force their troops to use soap while in Gaul (France). The Romans actually like it, but the angered French vow to never use soap again.

312 BC Romans Burn Syracuse, Archimedes “Fired”

FYT — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:14:32 +0000

First Teacher "Fired"

312 BC Greek mathematician, physicist, and astronomer, Archimedes is killed when Romans burn Syracuse. The term, “fired” is coined. Greek school children are excited to be sent home early without homework.