Oregon Adopts Hair-Care Reform, Elderly Left Mad and Matted

SALEM, OR – The Oregon Legislature adopted sweeping, one-payer, public Hair-Care Reform last week. While most are tolerating longer lines, and hair, Alma Locmess (92) tells a different story. Locmess claims, “That stylist tried to kill me during my shampoo!”

State Rep. Myra Stikmud countered, “I seriously doubt her story, that would waste a perfectly good shampoo.” “Approximately 80% of all Hair-Care costs have been attributed to end-of-life appointments,” Stikmud stated, adding “We encourage citizens like Ms. Locmess to conform to our Later-Life, Longer-Locks With Dignity mandatory counseling program.”